Junie Jones

Repositioning The Black Femme In Sex

Junie Jones
Repositioning The Black Femme In Sex

The most unprotected person in America is the Black femme whose body is violated both on a structural and societal level. The assault on the Black femme be it physical, emotional, or state sanctioned is relentless and always positions Black femme bodies as lesser and fungible.

It's impossible to have that kind of system in place on a structural level and not have those dynamics replicated in personal relationships. I think it's time for the complete repositioning of Black femmes not only on a societal level but in every way imaginable.

As a non binary trans woman who has a history of being sexually involved with masculine cis men I find my relationships end up replicating oppressive structures like patriarchy, colorism, and anti-blackness drives irreconcilable wedges between me and my partners. I never thought I would enjoy sex and I still don't think I do but I've been conditioned to want to have sex which forces me to engage in activities I otherwise don't like because my masc partners needs are centered. I was getting a hand job from someone once and I didn't even like it because it was one of the first times my own pleasure was centered and I didn't know how to feel about that. An important aspect of that is the fact cis men that have sex with femmes hardly ever center the femmes pleasure and end up just using the femmes body to masturbate with. 

Many of my Black femme friends only have negative things to say about relationships with cis or masculine men that have a similar tune of entitlement, neglect, manipulation, and abuse. Many of these relationships require a ton of emotional labor on the Black femmes part on educating their partners on why their actions are harmful in the first place. This perpetuates this patriarchal dynamic where femmes overextend themselves and push themselves past their limits to make a relationship work. Not only that but Black femmes are being forced to face violence and oppression from their partners as well as the state and have no relief from the forces that be.

It cannot be swept under the rug that hypermasculinity and patriarchy condition men to be unfeeling machines that just eat femme labor and shit it out but let this be a call to all cis men to do fucking better with your black femme partners because they deserve more than your shitty neglect just because society conditioned you to not feel. Cis men need to start reevaluating how they move in relationships and actively work towards building healthy relationships so the Black femme can have at least some sort of relief in the world. Of course calling out and catching harmful relationship dynamics is just a start. In order for the complete restructuring of society where white supremacist male patriarchy is overturned can those dynamics truly be erased.